


Strong Women Cry Too

by Anxiouslykitty



Series: Strong Women Cry [2]
Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Nosebleed, Pain, Platonic Cuddling, Regret, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26965036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxiouslykitty/pseuds/Anxiouslykitty
Summary: Sometimes marines aren't as strong as they think...
Relationships: Chrisjen Avasarala/Bobbie Draper
Series: Strong Women Cry [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967755
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Strong Women Cry Too

Bobbie couldn’t believe how much her body hurt. She could feel pain in every inch of her body. The autodoc was working on her and Alex had left after setting her up to check on the rest of the crew. Bobbie had her eyes closed and was trying to get some sleep. She had told Alex she didn’t want the pain meds to be too high, but now that she was having trouble sleeping she wished she had let him dose her.

Bobbie heard the door open but didn’t open her eyes. She figured it was either Alex coming back to check on her or someone who wasn’t going to be happy with her. She kept her eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. The steps were slow that came towards her. Definitely not Alex he wouldn’t be trying not to wake her. He was a nice guy, but he was still a guy, not very gentle. The person stopped at the side of her bed. She felt long fingers grip her hand that was in the autodoc. Bobbie knew it was Chrisjen and she knew she was mad.

It wasn’t like Bobbie had gone after the hybrid to piss Chrisjen off. She didn’t have a death wish and she hadn’t really thought about dying when she had gone towards the hybrid instead of running away. She had wanted to keep the kids safe and her team. Sure a part of her wanted retribution for her team, but that’s not the only reason she had fought the hybrid. She could hear Chrisjen’s voice over the coms when she was running. She couldn’t believe she had told her to shut up, but she couldn’t think with Chrisjen in her ear. 

When she had fallen and her suit was almost dead she was scared. For the first time she thought that maybe she shouldn’t have gone after the hybrid. Especially when the hybrid was leaning over her looking at her eye to eye. How she managed to get her gun up to kill it she still doesn’t know. She could remember calling for help, but she doesn’t know how long she laid there on the ground. She could hear Chrisjen in her ear again, but not what she was saying. When Alex finally came and got her they struggled together to get back to the ship. She was happy to be alive.

Slowly Bobbie opened her eyes. She was hoping to get a glimpse of Chrisjen before she noticed that Bobbie was actually awake. She wanted to see if she could gauge how mad Chrisjen was that she had gone off on what Chrisjen thought was a suicide mission. Chrisjen’s face was neutral but she looked tired. When she noticed Bobbie was awake her face grew hard and her lips pressed together tight. She let go of Bobbie’s hand and stepped away.

“Nice to see you too Ma’m” Bobbie joked.

Chrisjen turned back on Bobbie and she was mad. Bobbie didn’t have to ask to know she was pissed. She was starting to regret making a joke because she knew she was about to bear the brunt of the great Deputy Undersecretary Chrisjen Avasarala’s anger.

"Why would you do something so fucking stupid" Chrisjen yelled.

"I…" Bobbie began.

"You could've been killed and for what" Chrisjen interrupted. "We could have found another way to get those children out. You didn't have to risk your life."

"Ma'm I…." Bobbie tried again.

"Do you know what it was like to watch you do that" Chrisjen asked. "Do you know what it was like to watch you almost die and then to watch Cotyar blow himself up?"

Alex had told Bobbie about Cotyar and what he did. They had thought he was already dead so finding out he was alive just to watch him die must have been hard for Chrisjen. Alex had told her that Cotyar was talking about Charanpal. Alex didn't know who it was but Bobbie knew it was Chrisjen's son. It was how she knew Cotyar. 

"I'm sure it must have been hard," Bobbie began. "I was trying…"

"Trying to do what? Get revenge for your team. Get back…" Chrisjen continued to shout.

"If you'd stop interrupting me maybe I could explain" Bobbie exclaimed. 

"You don't get to explain," Chrisjen yelled.

Suddenly Chrisjen's nose started to bleed. It wasn't slow like it was on the Razorback. It was coming out fast and poured over her mouth and dripped down on the white racing suit. 

"Chrisjen you're bleeding" Bobbie exclaimed gesturing to her own nose.

Chrisjen stopped her pacing and put her hand to her nose pulling it away to look at the blood now covering her hand. 

"Shit" Chrisjen rasped.

"You should sit down," Bobbie instructed. 

Chrisjen put her hand back to her nose and tried to wipe the blood away which only spread it across her face. She took a step to sit in the autodoc next to Bobbie and she stumbled. Bobbie was stuck in the autodoc and it jerked her back when she reached to catch Chrisjen. All she could do was watch as Chrisjen staggered a few more steps and collapsed to the floor.

"Alex" Bobbie screamed, hoping the pilot was somewhere close by. 

Bobbie began trying to disengage the autodoc. It took her a minute to remember how to get out of it and pull her arm from the machine. Her body ached and cried out as she climbed down from the bed to get to Chrisjen on the floor. It was hard to move and her body felt heavy. Still Bobbie crawled over to Chrisjen and rolled her on her back.

There was blood staining Chrisjen's face and neck, it was soaking into her suit and a small puddle had formed on the floor where Chrisjen had landed face down. Bobbie felt nauseous at the sight of Chrisjen like this. Except this time she looked much worse than she had the first time. This time she didn’t know what was wrong or what was causing it and certainly not how to fix it.

“Alex” she screamed again.

Chrisjen was definitely breathing and Bobbie felt her pulse and it was still there. It looked like the nosebleed might be slowing down, but still it was the most blood Bobbie had ever seen someone have during a bloody nose. She pushed her arms under Chrisjen’s limp body and felt the pain radiate through her arms. She winced and pushed through the pain to get her arms situated under Chrisjen’s torso and knees. She gripped tightly and tried to stand but her body failed her and she fell back down and dropped Chrisjen back on the ground.

“Alex! Help” Bobbie screamed again.

Bobbie ran her hand over Chrisjen’s hair. She was furious with herself for not being able to get Chrisjen into the autodoc. She should be able to lift the petite woman. She’s a Martian marine, or was. There was moisture forming on Chrisjen’s suit and Bobbie looked around to see where it was coming from. It took her a minute to figure out that it wasn’t moisture but tears and they were falling off her face. She wiped them away quickly inadvertently wiping some of Chrisjen’s blood on her face.

“Damnit Alex” Bobbie screamed again.

The door opened and Alex came running into the room and stopped short at the sight of Bobbie hunched over Chrisjen’s unconscious body.

“Holy shit Bobbie” Alex exclaimed. “What happened?”

“One minute she was yelling at me for going after the hybrid and the next her nose was bleeding and she collapsed on the floor” Bobbie explained.

Alex bent down and scooped Chrisjen off the floor effortlessly. He placed her gently in the autodoc bed and lifted her arm into the machine and started it. Bobbie pulled herself back up off the floor and sat back down on the autodoc bed next to Chrisjen’s. She watched Chrisjen intently while Alex read the autodoc and began administering medications. 

“Is she okay” Bobbie asked quietly.

“She’ll be fine” Alex encouraged. “It looks like some of the blood vessels in the part of her brain that was damaged on the Razorback didn’t heal correctly. All of the emotions today and then getting worked up yelling at you must have caused them to burst.”

Bobbie sat back in the autodoc and put her feet up. Her body felt heavy and she was tired. She also felt very out of control of her emotions. She was stuck between wanting to be alone and not wanting to be too far away from Chrisjen.

“So it’s my fault this happened” Bobbie whispered.

“Now now, that’s not true,” Alex comforted. 

Alex finished with Chrisjen and walked around to Bobbie’s autodoc.

“Let’s get you hooked back up and feeling better. You two will be right as rain before you know it.” Alex comforted.

Bobbie reached out her free arm and tried to grab Chrisjen’s hand in the other autodoc but the distance was too far. She just wanted to touch Chrisjen so that she knew she would be okay. It was her fault that Chrisjen was injured again. It didn’t matter what Alex said. If she hadn’t gone after the hybrid then Chrisjen wouldn’t have been so upset. She was so mad at herself for letting revenge for her old team had caused harm to the most important person in her current team. Everything felt heavy and she felt her body go limp as she fell asleep looking at Chrisjen still unconscious in her chair.

Bobbie wasn't sure how long she had been asleep when she felt the autodoc being disengaged. She opened her eyes to Alex standing but the autodoc tapping some buttons and pulling her arm gently out of the autodoc.

"Hey there sleepy head" Alex joked.

"How long was I asleep" Bobbie asked. 

"About four hours," Alex replied. 

Bobbie looked to her other side to see if Chrisjen was awake and her heart dropped into her stomach. Chrisjen wasn't in the other autodoc chair anymore. Bobbie could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She tried to sit up but got dizzy and laid back.

"Easy there," Alex instructed. 

"Where is she" Bobbie asked frantically.

"She's okay," Alex comforted. "She woke up shortly after you fell asleep and I let her go back to your room to rest. The damage to her brain healed properly this time."

Bobbie let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She closed her eyes for a minute letting her mind calm down. She opened them again and Alex was smiling at her. She gave him a small smile back trying to hide the panic that had flushed through her system.

"Am I done here" Bobbie asked.

"If you can make it to your room" Alex allowed.

It took two attempts for Bobbie to get out of the autodoc chair. She was still a little sore and tired. It felt like forever walking back to the room she was sharing with Chrisjen. When she finally arrived at the door she hesitated before opening it. She didn't want Chrisjen to yell at her anymore. She didn't think she could take it. She was also scared of what Chrisjen would look like. She still had the image flashing in her mind of Chrisjen with blood all over her face and clothes. She felt ridiculous being this nervous. She was a marine damnit. 

She took a deep breath and pulled herself up as straight as she could. Opening the door Bobbie entered quickly and closed the door behind her. She had her head held high, but her eyes were downcast. 

"Bobbie" Chrisjen rasped.

Bobbie heard Chrisjen's voice. She sounded like her regular self, if not a little quiet. She couldn't get herself to look up to see where Chrisjen was in the room. She thought it sounded like she was in her bunk, but she didn't know. She felt like a child waiting to be scolded. Her eyes began to burn with tears. She didn't know why she was crying. Whether it was pain or exhaustion or just the overwhelming emotions finally settling in. She just stood there and waited. 

"Oh Bobbie" Chrisjen cooed. 

Bobbie heard the rustle of the bed sheets and then the sound of Chrisjen walking across the room towards her. Chrisjen stopped right in front of Bobbie and grabbed both of Bobbie's arms gently. Chrisjen was short enough that the way Bobbie was looking down she could see Chrisjen looking up into her eyes. Chrisjen had obviously cleaned up all the blood and had changed back into her outfit she arrived in instead of the racing suit. She looked like herself if not a little tired. 

"I'm sorry" Chrisjen began. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was…"

"You were right," Bobbie whispered. 

"No I wasn't" Chrisjen scolded. "I was scared and I was sad. I took everything out on you because you were still alive to yell at. Look where that got me."

Bobbie let her stance relax and returned Chrisjen's gaze. She had never expected Chrisjen to apologize. She wasn't sure she believed her. Bobbie couldn't help but think if she'd been less selfish Chrisjen wouldn't have been hurt. 

"Tell me what you're thinking Bobbie," Chrisjen instructed. 

"I did something foolish and you got hurt" Bobbie explained. "I shouldn't have been so selfish. I wanted the hybrid for revenge like you said."

"The only reason I got hurt was because of my own anger. Alex said it was going to happen eventually and because I let myself get worked up it happened today" Chrisjen explained.

Bobbie wiped the tears off her face and sniffled. Chrisjen removed her hands from Bobbie's arms and took a step back. Bobbie missed the closeness immediately. Somehow Chrisjen made her feel strong and brave. It wasn't something she thought she had a lack of being a marine, but Chrisjen made her feel stronger and braver than she ever did as a marine. 

"You need rest" Chrisjen instructed. "We both need rest."

Bobbie walked over to the bunk and tried to pull herself onto the top bunk. Her body screamed at the effort and she stopped halfway and stepped back down. She leaned her forehead against the top bunk and took a deep breath. Chrisjen slowly walked up behind Bobbie and placed a hand gently on Bobbie's back. 

"Stay in the bottom bunk" Chrisjen offered. 

"You can't climb into the top bunk" Bobbie replied. 

Chrisjen scoffed and gently hit Bobbie with the hand she had on her back. 

"I'm not that old" Chrisjen scolded. 

Chrisjen made to stand on the bottom bunk and pull herself to the top bunk. Bobbie grabbed Chrisjen's arm and held her to keep her from climbing to the top bunk. Chrisjen stopped and glared at Bobbie. 

"You were hurt today too" Bobbie began. "I don't want you straining yourself trying to get up there and then trying to jump back down."

Chrisjen stepped back and sighed. Bobbie could tell Chrisjen was agreeing with her. Bobbie wouldn't be able to live with herself if again Chrisjen was hurt because of her. It's already happened twice. 

"Well we'll just have to share the bottom bunk" Chrisjen announced. 

Bobbie was skeptical of this. She was not a small girl and Chrisjen was definitely a petite lady. How were they both going to fit without Bobbie squishing Chrisjen. She furrowed her brows at Chrisjen, but didn't say anything. 

"Come on didn't you ever cuddle with your mother or father" Chrisjen chided.

Bobbie looked away embarrassed. Martian parents don't cuddle...or at least her parents didn't. Chrisjen must have sensed her discomfort because Chrisjen climbed in the bunk first and got comfortable against the wall. She opened her left arm to invite Bobbie to climb in and lay down with her. The bunk was small and Bobbie would have to lean on Chrisjen to be comfortable. 

"You just lay your head here" Chrisjen instructed patting her left shoulder. 

Bobbie reluctantly climbed in the bed and laid her head on Chrisjen's shoulder. She slowly scooted down until she could lay comfortably. She lifted her head and did the safety strap around her and Chrisjen's legs and then the strap that went around their upper bodies. She laid her head back on Chrisjen's shoulder. Chrisjen pulled the sheet up and wrapped her left arm around Bobbie's body pulling Bobbie onto her side so Bobbie was curled into Chrisjen's body. 

Chrisjen felt warm against Bobbie. Bobbie couldn't remember the last time she had been this close to another person. She could hear Chrisjen's heartbeat and feel her chest rise and fall with each breath. Bobbie was embarrassed at how comfortable she felt cuddling against Chrisjen. 

"Do you forgive me" Chrisjen whispered. 

Bobbie couldn't believe Chrisjen wanted her forgiveness. Bobbie should be the one asking for forgiveness. She had a lump in her throat and she could feel tears seep out of her eyes. She knew Chrisjen would feel them soak into the thin fabric of her outfit. She couldn't believe she was crying again. She hadn’t cried this much since her team was killed. 

"Of course" Bobbie choked.

Chrisjen let out a deep breath and sighed. Bobbie knew the second Chrisjen felt her tears because Chrisjen pulled her tighter towards her.

"Oh Bobbie" Chrisjen cooed.

Chrisjen's right hand came up and rested on Bobbie's cheek. She used her thumb to wipe some of her tears away. 

"Try to sleep," Chrisjen instructed. 

Bobbie let herself relax and snuggled into Chrisjen's embrace. She knew in the morning they would return to their normal sparing and there would be a lot of work to do. Until then she was going to enjoy feeling safe with someone for the first time in a long time. She felt Chrisjen's breathing even out and her hand slowly slipped from Bobbie's cheek to her neck. Bobbie closed her eyes and let Chrisjen's breathing lull her to sleep.


End file.
